no such thing as rest in peace?

heard something a little disturbing on the Today show this morning. a 21-year kid died after being hit in a bar fight in Texas a couple weeks ago, and his mother was able to convince a judge to harvest his sperm so she can someday raise the grandchildren he might have given her. she claims he talked about wanting three sons and had their names already picked out.

i find the situation odd and sad. odd because where exactly is that sperm going to go now? this mother wants to take action sooner rather than later, though i can't imagine it's easy to ask a woman, "will you be the surrogate for my dead son's baby?" and sad because it seems like this is nothing more than a way for a mother to avoid having to deal with the fact that her son is dead. avoidance, denial, severe grief—whatever you want to call it, she's playing with nature and science to avoid experiencing awful feelings. she even admitted as much. "this will help to heal my heart somewhat," she told Matt Lauer.

again, no one is thinking about the baby that may be born as result of this. he may bring comfort to his father's family initially, but i guarantee you someday that kid will not be thrilled to know he came to being after his grandma retrieved sperm out of his dead father's body and paid a woman x-amount of dollars to give birth to him. come on! who wants that story? on top of the fact that this baby will have zero parents! i don't care how loving his soon-to-be grandmother is, or how pure her intentions may seem. i just really believe it's wrong to bring a child into the world in such complicated, emotionally-charged circumstances. 

maybe i'd feel different if this 21-year old kid knew he was dying, if he was married, if he and his wife had discussed plans for a family and made arrangements for it to still happen after his death. but he was just a kid, still so young, dreaming of a someday-life, and this is all being done posthumously, without his permission.

or perhaps it'll never amount to anything. perhaps that sperm will sit in a freezer somewhere (is that where they keep sperm?) for years and years—a sort of security blanket for a mother who lost her son, who can't bear the idea of having lost all of him, forever. 

for the sake of that unborn, wished-for baby, i hope that's all it is. 

mb