i woke up early the morning of my wedding. (really early, the first time—i woke with a start at one a.m. because i'd forgotten to wash my hair after getting home from the rehearsal dinner. my hairdresser wanted "dirty" hair to work with for the wedding, and i'd promised her i'd wash it the night before, not the morning of. oops. so i got up at one o'clock and washed my hair and went back to bed. slept like a rock.)
i got out of bed, pulled on sweats and a baseball cap and went for a walk/run around my neighborhood in Pennsylvania. (i meant to just walk the whole way, so as to avoid tripping and spraining an ankle or knocking out a few teeth, but the adrenaline was already pumping and so i broke into a run from time to time.) it was chilly, but not freezing and the sky looked exactly the way i hoped it would look the morning of my wedding—not crystal blue and full of sun, but overcast with sunlight filtering through the clouds giving everything a soft, bittersweet look.
i walked to a nearby park, where a bunch of little guys were playing soccer and parents were huddled on the sidelines and on the frozen metal bleachers and coaches yelled at the red- and yellow-jerseyed kids. the adjacent golf course was completely empty and looked so pristine i was tempted to run clear across it, but i resisted. instead, i took a walk through the woods. the park has a so-called nature trail that i've walked along before, which is really nothing more than a cleared path through a bunch of trees, but it's nice. it was muddy as hell and i almost fell a few times and i knew the whole time it wasn't the smartest thing for a bride to do on her wedding day, but i did it anyway (per the usual) and i enjoyed it and i think that walk/run was the best thing i could have done that morning because it made me serene.
it's true: i was completely calm all day. i felt peaceful and together and (not to sound like a hippie) very present the entire eight hours between when we all started getting ready and when my dad walked me down the aisle. i couldn't believe how non-spastic i was—the day before, i'd felt pretty spastic—but on the actual wedding day i did the things everyone told me to do. i took as many opportunities as i could to step back and take it all in. i drove with my dad to Wawa where we got that day's New York Times and New York Daily News to be used as props by the photographer. i called my gram and somehow managed not to cry. i snapped pictures of my friends as they got their hair and make-up done. i walked myself out to the limo when it was time to go and got into the car wearing a 90-inch veil and carrying a five-pound bouquet with no assistance from anyone.
i didn't feel like a fairy princess or a movie star or even, necessarily, a bride. i felt like myself—albeit a really dressed-up version of myself—and just really couldn't wait to marry my best friend.
michael and i chose to see each other before the ceremony, so we could enjoy cocktail hour without worrying about taking a million photos. our photographer set up the moment on the golf course behind the country club. michael would be waiting for me and i was to walk up behind him and tap him on the shoulder. the poor guy waited about 30 minutes for me to show up because i had the first of two dress mishaps as soon as i walked outside—less than a minute on the asphalt golf cart path and the bottom of my dress was a black, streaky mess. with the help of my bridesmaids and grandma-in-law, we mostly fixed the situation, but michael was waiting for me the entire time. the photographer kept moving him, because he was chasing the sunlight and by then the sun was sinking rapidly.
but when the moment finally happened, it was magical. there were two videographers and two photographers capturing our every move, but i didn't even care. i was focused on the back of my future husband and wondering what he was feeling and thinking. i'm pretty sure i was trembling a little, i felt like laughing but had a substantial lump in my throat. finally he turned around and we laid eyes on each other and i will carry that moment with me forever. the tears, the giggling, the joy i felt at finally seeing michael after what felt like forever.
just before six o'clock (and after taking a gazillion photos and blowing kisses to the video camera as prompted while silently praying it won't look as cheesy as it felt) we were lined up for the processional and that's when my stomach finally started its half-gainers and triple backflips. just a few minutes earlier i'd been blasting "I Gotta Feeling" on my iPhone in the bridal suite as my bridesmaids and i danced around like total geeks. but standing in the lobby just outside the ballroom, listening to the processional music—whoo boy. the day had been so special and so full and so wonderful already, but now the weight of it was hitting me fully. i was getting married. a huge, monumental, once-in-a-lifetime thing.
thank god i had my sweet and funny dad there to lean on.
mbm
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