i almost died Monday night. and the headline would've been: DEATH BY CORE FUSION.
the scene went something like this: as i gripped the ballet barre and tried to balance on my toes while keeping my thighs parallel to the floor, watching my legs tremble so severely you would've thought i was being Tasered, i pictured myself just crumbling to the floor, curling up into a ball and drifting off into oblivion.
at that moment, it seemed like a helluva better option than the torture i was enduring.
last spring, my friend and co-worker Nicole began taking classes at Exhale Spa, a combination spa/yoga studio/wellness center/torture camp. she talked about how hard the classes were, but was seeing pretty amazing results. over the summer i came across a sale on gilt.com—five sessions at Exhale for much less than they usually cost. i was in the thick of wedding planning then and feeling the need to center myself—via yoga, perhaps—so i purchased the sessions with the intention of taking the classes between then and the wedding.
alas, i was too stressed and crazy to make time for yoga. (isn't it ironic?) but, hey, that's what Januarys are for. so, finally, i reserved a spot in a class Monday night called Core Fusion—a little yoga, a little ballet, a little Pilates. i was a little wary but mostly intrigued. i was also entirely too confident in my fitness level.
the class was brutal.
for starters, Exhale is a wee bit intimidating. i'm used to my loud, smelly and florescent-lit New York Sports Club where ESPN and VH1 are on all the TVs and everyone wears ratty sweats and old tee shirts and it's all OK.
Exhale is dimly-lit, candle-scented and filled with skinny, well-coiffed women in clingy yoga pants and sports bras that lift and separate.
if Nicole hadn't been with me, i probably would have turned around and gone home.
still, even if i didn't look like i belonged, i felt like i at least would be able to keep up. the class couldn't be that far off from Total Body Conditioning, and no one is tougher than David.
about three minutes in, i realized how very wrong i was. the instructor had us doing planks and we weren't allowed to wear sneakers so my stupid gym socks had no traction on the carpet in the room (everyone else was wearing official Exhale socks that had little rubber bits on the bottom) and i was already sweating profusely.
the torture continued for 57 more minutes—the aforementioned barre work, some crazy ab stuff and yoga positions that reminded me why i've stayed away from yoga thus far. (everyone else was doing Happy Baby so elegantly; i felt like a baby elephant.)
needless to say, i've been walking funny ever since. it's incredibly humbling, especially since Nicole went back for the same class last night! i need serious support to sit down at my desk; i look like Frankenstein walking down the steps to the subway because it hurts to bend my legs. when Nicole asked me if i wanted to take another class with her, i would've laughed if my abs weren't so sore.
i do have four sessions left on my gift certificate and i'm not one to shy away from a challenge. we'll see how much longer it takes for me to bounce back from this pain. perhaps i can gear up for round two next week.
or maybe i'll use the rest of the gift certificate for a facial instead...
mbm
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