we had a great time in Chicago—i love that city—and i plan to write all about our adventures soon, but right now i need to send out a mass apology to all my friends.
i have been uncharacteristically MIA recently (for the past two months, really). i truly have not seen anyone in a really long time and i feel awful about that. number one, i feel like a crappy friend. number two, i miss my girls. the only reason i can come up with for this drastic change in my behavior is work. and this worries me.
i keep thinking of advice my dad told me he was given many years ago when he was at a crossroads in his career. the advice was: don't focus so much on your job. instead, measure your life by what kind of person you are—spouse, parent, sibling, friend. focus on being successful in those roles, not just at the office. apparently, that advice changed my dad's life in many ways. and i always assumed i'd be good at balancing my life—family, friends, work, etc.
but then you're in your 30s and you want, say, a house. and to start a family. and you realize that you can have all your ducks in a row and be as emotionally ready for adult life as is humanly possible but you can't pull it off without the financial part of things, which means doing what you can to get ahead at work—and this is especially imperative after your company put a freeze on raises last year. next thing you know, you're spending 10, 11, 12 hours a day at the office (sometimes being uber-productive, sometimes just spinning your wheels) because you're taking on as much as you can bear and by eight o'clock you just wanna curl up on the couch and watch the three episodes of Parenthood waiting on your DVR. that's all you have energy for.
and that means no dinners with friends. no meeting for drinks after work. you know what they're up to only because you see their Facebook updates. they text and e-mail you, wanting to know when they can see you. "next week?" you respond, because you're hoping it's possible. at one point you realize you've been writing, "next week?" for a solid month.
and, jeez, you haven't even thrown home-owning and child-rearing into the mix yet! what the hell will happen then? oy. i don't want to be this person. but what i'm wondering now is: is it unavoidable? does everyone go through a phase like this? is it part of growing up? something—or someone—inevitably gets left behind?
i'm far from having answers but i can confidently say: i hope not.
the good news is, i realized while in Chicago last week how easily i can leave work behind. i don't own a BlackBerry and though i am guilty of checking my work mail via my iPhone once or twice, i wasn't obsessing over anything while i was away other than having a great time and enjoying being with my husband (who's also felt the effects of my current workload).
so maybe there's hope for me yet. right now i just hope my friends will accept my apologies (offered so gracelessly via my blog—nice, Meg) and that they know that i'm doing the best i can.
mbm
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