lately

a stunning, tranquil night at Kismet

yeah, so. not doing too well at this blog thing lately. obviously.

work has taken over my life. or, it had taken over my life until last week. this week i've been determined to live a more balanced existence and...so far so good. we'll see how long it lasts.

today on my lunch i went for a mani/pedi (exhibit A of my more balanced life) and picked up the August issue of Glamour to flip through while my toes were being tended to. the editor's letter was about how we Americans get seriously gypped in the vacation department. apparently Italians get something like 45 vacation days a year. the average in this country? thirteen.

i vented about this last week on facebook. i currently receive 10 vacation days a year. i work my butt off most weeks—very rare is downtime these days—and 10 vacation days seems a meager 'reward' for all the time i spend in the office. it's a meager reward for anyone who spends time in the office. and we all know that weekends are generally sucked up by all the things at home we meant to take care of during the week but didn't get around to because we were working too much.

so that leaves...10 vacation days, during which to relax, unwind, play, travel, sleep, etc.

NOT FAIR.

Michael actually gets about six weeks vacation every year—but that's because he works weekends and holidays and 16 hours every Sunday. it seems a fair trade to me. one of his weeks off was last week. we had an opportunity to use a family member's house in Fire Island for a few days and man, did i want to go. only problem was, things at work were crazy.

to make a long story short, initially i didn't think i could take any time off. i felt bad about it, guilty, like i was shirking my duties. meanwhile, co-workers are jetting to other countries  and spending weeks at the beach and living it up in Hamptons.... thankfully, common sense and rationale prevailed and i took my two damn days off at the end of last week and thank god i did.

Fire Island, for starters, was beautiful. (i'd never been there before.) the town of Kismet, where we stayed, was quaint, quiet, serene, relaxing, peaceful. i spent a lot of time on the beach thinking about how i want my life to be. what kind of person am i? i never thought i'd be the type to be defined by my job (unless/until that job is writing novels). am i on that track right now? am i neglecting other areas of my life to devote more to my career? but without that devotion to my career, will i ever get ahead? because getting ahead means getting paid and getting paid is a necessity when you're trying to buy a house in New Jersey (more on that another day).

so my brain was swirling and crashing like the ocean i kept gazing at—rip tides and currents galore. what i kept coming back to was, "when i'm eighty-five, what will mean more to me? that i became a Vice President of something-or-other, or that i had a beautiful, loving family and lasting friendships and that i'd seen many places and things and met many people?" i don't think i have to tell you what my answer was.

the emotional event that i mentioned a few entries ago, that i promised i was writing about (and i was—just in my head...never made it onto the screen), was the passing of Michael's grandfather. Angelo was—in all senses but blood—my grandfather too. he was a wonderful, warm, funny, thoughtful and vibrant man, who had a brief battle with an aggressive cancer and then was gone, in as peaceful a way as any who loved him could have hoped for.

his absence has left a humongous void, but Angelo's eighty-plus years of life made such an impact on so many people that his presence is still felt.  in the week after he passed, i heard many times and from many people that Angelo always said he didn't need to win the lottery—he was rich in the only way that mattered. he had a family he loved, and who loved him.

i wish it were easier in this day and age to keep that mindset. is it only me who feels like it isn't? i think this is an issue i'll be tackling for years to come. then again, so far this week i haven't left the office later than 7 o'clock, which is good for me. and, hey, i'm updating the blog at long last. and i'm already thinking about getting away again, even for a few days, somewhere, anywhere, at the end of next month when Michael has another week off.

maybe it's the start of something good...

mbm