lucky

someone i work with just reminded me that when i was pregnant last year—and she was a relatively new employee—she thought i was a prime candidate for MTV’s “Teen Mom.” not because i was pregnant out of wedlock or trying to balance finishing my GED and attending  prenatal classes but because to her i looked that young!

and i promptly reminded her that because of her (egregious) confusion, she has my undying love, gratitude and admiration.

today i feel so lucky. don’t you love those days? i walked to the PATH with the sun on my face and without a jacket on my frame. twenty minutes later, i got off the R train at 59^th and Fifth, gazed at Central Park in all its vivid-green-grass-and-flowering-tree glory. today is my Thursday, as i’m taking Friday off to start my little boy’s birthday celebration early. life is just good right now, you know?

a year ago today—or, at least on the Wednesday of that week—the weather was not very spring like at all. there were hints of sunshine now and then, but overall it was overcast and cool. still, i insisted on getting fresh air. i must have sensed, somewhere in my brain, what was coming. “let’s find a park,” i said to Michael. “let’s be outside.”

we wound up at Liberty State Park, a short drive away (though i believe we got pretty lost en route). it’s typically a beautiful park, but on a gray day in early April it was fairly bleak. hardly anyone was there, the grass had not yet come back to life and the trees were buck naked. the wind was fierce, especially along the waterfront walkways, and i hadn’t dressed appropriately.

we wandered aimlessly and Michael took photos, but my mind was elsewhere. i knew i felt different. there were no imminent signs of labor—at least that i was aware of—but Bubba was definitely residing lower in my pelvis, suddenly, and walking required great effort on my part.

i was due the next day, but because i’d heard most first-time moms deliver well past their due dates, i was not expecting to give birth on time. little did i know my soon-to-be son had a proclivity for punctuality.

it’s such a weird thing to think about. i am sure a full year has not passed since that day. someone must have mistakenly flipped two or three pages on the cosmic calendar at once. and yet, being at Liberty State Park, waddling along the footpaths, feeling like the baby might just fall right on out of me, wondering if i was really ready to give birth, if i’d realized what i’d gotten myself into—that was another life.

that was the black and white part, before the house landed in Technicolor Oz.

mbm